Moms, And Mother’s Day…… – Press Pros Magazine

Like the lyrics from the old Joni Mitchell song, you never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.  And I know I share that realization with a lot of you on this particular Mother’s Day.

Like many of you…I’ll feel different this Mother’s Day than I did in the past.  Like the old Joni Mitchell song, having lost my own mother a month ago I  know…that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.  Nor do you appreciate the feelings of others living without theirs.

Mom passed at age 96 after a life well-lived…and one that largely was lived for her children’s benefit, though I never realized.

It feels different than when my dad passed in 2011.  Dad was the moral compass of our family, and I always knew that – respected it.  I understood that it was something passed down in his family – how to live and survive tough times.  And I always knew from our relationship what his expectations were of me to follow that example.

But Mom was different and I realize now how she was the inspiration in the family –  the risk taker.  In her case it was not something passed down, just an instinct about how to recognize an opportunity.  A child of The Depression, she was born with it and acted upon it as a teenager when she earned a degree from Marshall College and began teaching school before she reached age 20.  She proved something, even to those in her own family, and never again doubted what she could accomplish.  More important, like Dad, she passed it on.

I owe a lot more to Mom than that of just being born.  Because moms are just different.  I know that now.  Dads are the ones who correct you when you mess up, but moms are the ones who help you pick up the pieces.  And while Dad would caution me about not getting ahead of myself, Mom would be the one to say…go for it.

There were a lot of wins and losses during the 72 years of our being together.  And like anyone else, I particularly enjoyed the wins – sometimes a bit too much.

And the losses? When I played baseball in high school she would come to the games that I pitched, but she didn’t watch.  She’d work on her knitting.  She knew that failure was as real as success, and that was her way of dealing with it – distraction.  When I played at Ohio State she would sometimes sit in the car, as if to be there just off-stage…if the performance went badly.  I thought it was crazy then, but now I understand.

It was her way of salving the sting of disappointment…her way of helping me pick up the pieces during a bad time, because she never got too high with the good, or low with the bad.  And that’s what moms do.  They love you, win or lose, and they teach you about how to do it for yourself after they’re gone.

A friend from New York called me the week she passed and asked how I was doing.  And he asked me…does it feel different than when your dad died?

I acknowledged that it did, and this is what he told me.  “It’s different because moms teach you how to love, and how it feels to be loved.  No one else can do it like they can.”

He couldn’t have been more true.  In a day of fighting over gender identity, where would we be without learning after 96 years that nothing takes the place of a mother’s love – something far more important than hormone replacement or being confused over the gifts with which your born.

I realize this Mother’s Day much more poignantly than in the past…that no other means of support can ever replace it.

I realize how love comes in stages – that it matures as the two of you grow older.

And I realize that while she’s gone now,  she didn’t take it with her.  It’s something imparted, something you remember – something you’ll always feel.

If there’s any regrets, it’s having taken it for granted.  I’m sure Mom knew that, and what a miracle that it didn’t matter.

Moms and Mother’s Day…I hope you have a great one!